Creep woke up to being thrown down on a couch. A second later he was on his feet, hands balled into fists, ready to fight his way out. He was knocked back down to the couch by the light slap of a grey scaly tail. The dragon stomped over and held him down with one clawed hand.
“Sit still,” it growled.
Creep struggled and kicked out, but all that earned him was a tighter grip on his chest. His breath was coming in gasps now.
“Are you willing to sit still now?” the dragon asked.
Creep nodded. The dragon laughed.
“I don’t believe you,” it said, and it tightened its hold. Now Creep was in desperate need of air. He punched at the scaly arm that held him down. The only reaction he got was a momentary look of surprise by the dragon. Soon though, he no longer had it in him to do that, and just flopped around, trying to regain his breath.
“Let me ask you again,” the dragon said, but Creep was already nodding, trying to gasp out yes. The dragon smirked and let him go. Creep took in several deep breaths, one hand clutching at his sore chest. The dragon was already walking away, ignoring his pain.
“What was that for?” Creep finally gasped out.
“Why would you ask a silly question like that?” the dragon asked. “You shoot up a party one month; kill quite a few high society members I might add. Then, three months later, you shoot up one of the more lucrative businesses in town and steal some of their records. And, to top it all off, you attack a private gathering that one of my associates was attending. And you wonder why I ensure your cooperation.”
Creep shook his head and sat up. “Don’t worry, I’m not moving,” he said, holding out a hand in an attempt to reassure the dragon. The creature chuckled as it opened up a wall cabinet and began to look around within it. While its back was turned, Creep took the opportunity to get a look at his surroundings. Whoever, or whatever, this dragon was, its living space was quite extravagant. Gilded furniture, gilded walls, gilded everything. Creep would not have been surprised if a gilded girl lived here somewhere. Rich colors coated everything, or so it seemed.
The dragon walked back over to Creep, a bourbon bottle clutched in one hand. It was offered to Creep, but he shook his head. The dragon shrugged its shoulders and began to drink.
“So, can I go?” Creep asked.
The dragon swallowed its mouthful of alcohol. “What? Without so much as a thank you?”
“Thank you?”
“I just saved your life. It’s the least you could do.”
“I would have been all right,” Creep said.
The dragon laughed. “You don’t even know who you were fighting, do you?”
“Sure,” Creep replied. “Plague.”
“But that name means nothing to you,” the dragon said. “Plague may have been exaggerating when he said he owns the city, but rest assured he does own a great deal. And he didn’t simply inherit it. He fought for it, a long and hard fight. There is a reason he is at the top. If he came to take care of you personally, you should have been very scared.”
Creep shrugged his shoulders. “Well, thanks, then, I guess.”
“Yes, I was rather your deus ex machina, wasn’t I?” the dragon asked, but continued on again before Creep had a chance to respond. “And yet it won’t matter, because you’ll just leave here and jump right back in it. Predictable. All too predictable.”
“Look, what’s this all about?” Creep asked. “I mean, I’m not ungrateful, but I’m sure you didn’t save my bacon out of the kindness of your heart.”
“Ah, how true,” the dragon said as it sat down in a chair across from Creep. “And so impolite of me to try to teach you manners, but forget my own and my true intentions. First, I should say welcome. I am Glaucer. What is your name? Forgive me, but neither the papers nor my sources have given you a true one.”
“Creep.”
“Short and to the point. Good. Well, I have brought you here, Creep, to offer you the full support of my organization, the Keepers.”
“Keepers?” Creep asked. “What’re those? I’m not from this neighborhood.”
“Nor even from this reality, I’ll wager,” Glaucer said. “But you are not alone in your ignorance. We are rather secretive in our deeds. We feel that this entire city is a travesty.”
“A what?”
“A lie, something false, that keeps us magical creatures bound to a society of the minority,” Glaucer said. “You may or may not have noticed this, Mr. Creep, but you humans are a minority in this city. And yet, this place is based off of the way that you run your own worlds, am I right?”
Creep nodded. “So, what does that mean?”
“I’m getting there,” Glaucer said. “We enchanted do not believe that we should have to conform to your ideas of society. Your society is rather beneath us. The Fae manage to get along just fine with theirs, why can’t the rest of us have our own? And that is where we Keepers come in. We work towards bringing about an end to this society, to bring about a new age where we are free to live how we want to, without having to bow to the established tropes of humanity. No offense, of course.”
Creep shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like I care. But what do I have to do in this little anarchy scheme of yours? Your little tree house club sounds pretty enchanted exclusive, and I’m human, if you haven’t forgotten.”
“I have not,” Glaucer said. “And, there is a place for you, as an accelerant to our plans. I don’t think you’ve read the papers, or listened to the radio yet, so this may come as a shock to you. But you’re quite the menace. Even with only two recorded attacks, people are already talking about ‘the bandaged madman’ and ‘the black robed monster’. Who knows what this third incident will bring about in them? And that is what I am counting on. Your actions have the ability to disrupt this city’s government. Their inability to deal with you, and they will not be able to fully deal with you, will weaken their public appearance to the point where they might be spontaneously overthrown anyway, torn apart by the very citizenry they try to protect. If need be, I can give you specific individuals to kill…”
“No,” Creep interrupted. “You don’t tell me what to do. I’ll play along, but I’m not your little assassin boy. I’ve got my own to do list in this place, and you aren’t changing one thing on it.”
“Strong words,” Glaucer said, leaning forward. “But my grip is stronger, I think. What is on your agenda?”
Creep pulled the list from Lindom out and handed it to Glaucer. The dragon looked over the names printed there. “Who are these to you?” he asked.
“They deserve to die,” Creep said. “And they’re going to, simple as that.”
“Well, you are doing rather poorly already,” Glaucer said as he handed the list back to Creep. “I doubt you will be able to get your hands on Wynerhe again. He’s smart, or so I’m told. But, the others on the list are still wide open, since they probably don’t suspect you’re coming. And, rest assured, you will have our support in taking them down.”
“What kind of support?” Creep asked as he leaned back and put his shoe over his knee.
“Weaponry, to replace what you’ve lost,” Glaucer said. “And more heavier firepower, should the need arise. Also, your residence will be guarded at all times by our members. Any move against you, we will take care of, or notify you so that you may make an escape.”
Creep nodded. This all seemed fair enough. But one thing still bothered him. “I’ve tangled with you before, haven’t I?”
Glaucer nodded. “Yes. I was wondering if you recognized me, though I wasn’t going to bring it up myself. Might have ruined our business together.”
“So why are you letting me throw in with you?”
“Because you fascinate me,” Glaucer said. “You are only a mere human, and in spite of that you have defeated every magical ward I have in place here, and you have enough force in your blow to make me notice. That is a feat in and of itself.”
“Wait, I’m strong?” Creep asked. “I didn’t notice.”
“When we fought before, my blows should have killed you,” Glaucer said. “At the time, I thought that perhaps you were an enchanted, and that the darkness and the heat of conflict were playing tricks on me. But now, now I see the truth. And that is another reason why I know you are not from here. No human has access to the abilities you have, not even magic lends them this kind of power.”
“But magic is so great,” Creep said as he stood and waved with his hands for emphasis.
“Not as great as many surmise,” Glaucer said. “Just as we gain abilities upon entering your world, you must gain abilities upon entering ours. That’s the only explanation.”
“Maybe I’m just that good,” Creep said. Glaucer just laughed. Creep shook his head and turned to the full length window that gazed out over the city, the very city he had just been allowed free reign over.
“Anything else?” he asked Glaucer.
The dragon shook its head. “Unless you need another weapon. I’m afraid we left your guns behind.”
“Yeah, that would be good.”
Glaucer snapped his claws and a door opened on the far side of the room. A tall, well dressed man walked in, with a gun holster and an automatic in his hands.
“Do not worry,” the dragon said. “Onato is a trusted man in the Keepers. He will not divulge anything concerning you.”
Creep just shrugged and held out his hand. The man called Onato walked over and gave him the gun and holster. Creep took them and strapped them on, tightening the belt until it fit just right. Onato left the room while Glaucer got up and looked Creep over.
“You’ll do, for now,” the dragon said. “Though, I’ll have to ask that you hide the gun and remove your mask before you leave here. I don’t think you want to be caught, nor do I want you to be caught in such proximity to my quarters. It would raise too many questions.”
Creep nodded and began to take off his mask. Wrap by wrap, that dark façade was unwound until he was standing before Glaucer, a kid once more. The dragon chuckled a little.
“What?” Creep asked.
“Nothing,” Glaucer replied. “Now, I need to know where to find you, in case we must talk again.”
“Empyrean Heights,” Creep said. “I’m with Concetta Lucca.”
“Ah, on 56th Street. We’ll find you there easy enough. Do you need anything else of us at the moment?”
“Directions,” Creep said. “How do I get back to Heights from here?”
“Simple,” Glaucer said. “Take a taxi cab.” He flipped a gold coin towards Creep, who caught it and looked it over. The face that was engraved there was not a president that he knew of, though it was still human. He pocketed it with a nod.
“I guess I’d better be going then,” he said, buttoning up his coat against the cold that was to come. Glaucer nodded.
“Onato will show you the way out,” he said, pointing towards the door. “If you ever need to find us again, come here to Farson Tower and ask for Glaucer. If I am not here at the moment, you may leave a sufficiently cryptic message as to what you want. I assure you I will be able to figure it out.”
Creep nodded and walked over to the door, Glaucer following after him. As Creep turned the knob, he turned towards the dragon.
“Thanks again,” he said.
The dragon smirked. “You’re different, without the mask,” he said. “From now on, keep it on in our conferences. I think that the one it frees is the one I want to talk to.”
Creep nodded and opened the door. Onato was waiting outside.
“Onato,” Glaucer said. “Please take Mr. Creep here to Empyrean Heights. He’s had quite an eventful night, and I am sure that he wants to get a little bit of sleep.”
Onato turned and began to walk off. Creep nodded his head at Glaucer and followed after the servant. He heard the door click shut behind him, but didn’t bother looking back.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Conrad -
I'm interested to know where you plan on taking Creep. In other words, I'm interested to know what kind of plot twists you have in store for us, at least once we reach some kind of climax. Just out of curiousity, are you planning on Creep being a novel, or a novella?
Anyway, this chapter was obviously a pivot chapter, meant solely to inform the reader and open the door for a new plot path. It was good, but I wish you would focus on describing more, which is a complaint I think I've had since the beginning. I would like to know how Glaucer looks a little bit more, rather than just the fact that he is a gray, scaly dragon. I would like to know more about the house, other than the fact that it's really gilded. Use some similes. Use some figurative language. Just a little bit here and there, at least. What this literary technique does is mature your writing. It gives it another dimension. Maybe the dimension that you need. I imagine Creep being a visual extravaganza if it was ever to become a movie. Lots of breathtaking visuals. Lots of cinematography. But you're really not describing it that way. If description is not your strong suit, hone it. Flesh out the setting entirely. Read more books that are heavy on the writing, rather than being heavy on the plot. I think that if a story does not have a well developed setting or well-developed characters, everything else doesn't matter.
Your dialogue was good, for the most part. I really got an idea of Glaucer's character. But pretty much all of Creep's lines were really lame. I mean, what kind of self-respecting serial killer says "saved my bacon". Creep is edgy, I think, but maybe not edgy enough? I dunno. Maybe I have too many criticisms.
I kind of laughed here. Just because we had already talked about this. I really don't think it's a good idea to directly address your plot problems inside the actual story. You know? It's like justifying yourself to the reader. It's kind of amatuerish. I've done it before myself. You're saying, "I know that this is a stretch, so I'll just address the fact that it's a stretch and then people won't critisize me. Then everything will be okay." But, see, everything isn't okay when you do that. Everything is actually worse, because you bring attention to yourself. Whoever smelt it, dealt it, right?
Anyway, good job. Keep em coming.
-Kylan